Saturday, 14 September 2013

Lost: One Mother's Patience

If found: Please return to harried looking mother, probably hiding under her duvet at 11 o'clock in the morning.

I think it might have been the big changes in our routine recently, adjusting to Meg starting school and having to be out of the house by 8am every single day (I'm missing our lazy pyjama mornings more than I thought I would!), not finishing my job when I should have, having to put Eli in a new nursery and having to spend time with Eli on his own...all these massive things which have altered the structure of my days.  The result is one fed up, disorganised and impatient mama.

Meg hasn't enjoyed going to school.  We've had tears almost every morning and excuses rustled up from wherever she can pull them: 

'my shoes are too small' 
'my socks are too long'
'my hair is too curly'
'my eyes feel funny'

which means by the time I actually exit the front door, I'm already ten levels of beyond stressed.

Eli has asked for Meg every day.  The days when it is the two of us can't be spent at home otherwise he just stands by the front door asking to go and pick her up.  If we're out, he doesn't seem to notice so much but there are only so many times I can chase him down and ask him to hold my hand before I develop a twitch in my eye.

I'm not moaning.  I know it sounds a lot like I'm having a good old whinge about everything but it's just a struggle to adjust.  I think a lot of it comes down to the expectations I had about what September would be for us as a family.  A new start.  A fresh chance to do things differently.  I set this month up on a pedestal as our month and although some of it has come good, it hasn't worked out picture perfect.

My Other Half is enjoying his new job which is amazing.  I love that he comes home every evening and is positive about the things he has to do and the opportunities he's going to have.  That has been a long time coming.

I know that eventually Meg will settle in at school and we won't have excuse-central each morning about why today she can't possibly go to school.

I will finish my existing job at the end of September which means Eli will be able to come out of his nursery and we will learn to spend time together.  Which is exciting and something to look forward to.

But right now, right at this minute as I survey the chaos that has resulted from a week of rushing about like a headless chicken, from trying to make sure that forms are filled in on time and water bottles are clean and lunches are made.  Right now...I just want to go back to bed.

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