Monday, 23 September 2013

Making A Tough Decision

A while ago I wrote this post, about the arguments discussions we had been having over whether we were going to have any more children.

I'd like to say that we have reached a unanimous decision but that wouldn't be entirely true.  It is, however, something I have been thinking over a lot recently and I have come to the decision that right now, at this moment, having another baby wouldn't be the correct choice for us as a family.

Being at home with Eli these past few weeks has made me realise that by spending my time thinking 'oh you're not a baby any more' means I'm missing out on who he is now.  Feeling nostalgic about all the things he will never do again seems ridiculous when I could be concentrating on all the amazing things he is doing and will do.  I don't know what's going to happen in the future, I can't say definitively that we won't have any more children, perhaps we will.  But I think it's important that I stop wondering over the babies that might have been, or might be, and instead spend my time and energy loving and enjoying the children I do have.  Perhaps the overwhelming sense of broodiness I get when I hear that a friend is expecting or when I see a tiny newborn baby will never fully disappear but I hope it will get better with time.

I love our little family unit.  I love that now Eli is older we can hang out and enjoy each other's company.  I don't want that dynamic to change any time soon, and I can't wait for the fun things we are going to get to do as they get even older.  Meg and Eli are such amazing characters with their own unique personalities, I can't imagine adding a third into the mix at the moment.


So, although saying it out loud doesn't necessarily change the way I feel entirely on the inside, I think it gives it more 'oomph' and it really is the best decision we could be making at this particular time. 

Truthfully, and honestly.

This is probably the part where I pick my husband up off the floor after he reads this and realises I'm actually agreeing with a decision he has made.  So, for the record, I am fully within my rights to change my mind at any time (just kidding!)

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