Around 8 weeks ago I was sitting in my study, contemplating the month ahead and the work I had planned out. I had this sudden urge to be back in an office environment, to be around other people during my working day and perhaps try something a little more challenging.
I have loved the freedom that being freelance gave me; it came at a time when we needed someone to be at home for school drop off and pick up, and for some one on one time with Eli. I have been able to be around for assemblies and school events and I love that. But I also felt the need to push myself in my career again.
Confident that it wouldn't be too difficult to find something in the line of work I was used to, I duly sent off my CV for various jobs in our local vicinity.
Turns out...it's not really as simple as that.
According to the agencies and companies I applied to, I am lacking in recent experience for the type of administrative work that I used to do, but I am over qualified for anything less than the type of administrative work that I used to do...quite an interesting dilemma.
I started off being quite particular about the job I wanted and when that panned out to nothing, I started being less particular. And I still got nowhere.
I can't pretend that although I am a big believer in doors only opening when it is right, I haven't still felt a little bit injured by the fact that I am finding it so difficult to get a job. I may have had 3 years out but that doesn't mean that I am not still very much able (and willing) to work hard to do the job. Or that I wouldn't be good at it.
So what's a girl to do?
Perhaps it isn't the right time for me to get a job, perhaps there is the ideal job just waiting around the corner, perhaps I need to give up the game altogether; after all, my ideal is that I will sign with an agent and get to write books full time but that is a pipe dream which is also failing to turn out quite the way I imagined.
It would be so easy to feel disheartened about the situation. James has a good, steady job but if I were able to secure a little more work it would just make the extra bit of difference month to month. I think it would also be good for my well-being; to not just have myself for company throughout my working day but to get to be around other people as well. However, I am choosing not to feel dispirited. There is so much that I want to do with my life, so many other things I would choose to do if I had endless amounts of time and resources that perhaps it's time I knocked on a few of those doors instead.
Okay so it isn't quite turning out the way I imagined that it would; perhaps there was a touch of arrogance about my confidence that I would simply send out my CV to a few companies and then waltz into a job, but that doesn't mean that the pull I felt to do something else was a wrong emotion. Maybe it just means that I am searching in the wrong place and perhaps something even better is just around the corner.
And that's a pretty exciting thought.